Storms

I often catch myself wondering why my life is the way that it is. Why Thiago and I faced such hardships since we got engaged. Things have definitely slowed down since we moved into our apartment in May, but when I reflect on our lives since the engagement one question lingers: Why?
The wedding planning was hard. I wanted so badly to be in the States. To hire a florist, a photographer, and have my wedding in a hotel. I don't like Brazilian buffets - it's not my taste. And besides that there weren't a lot of options. So we had the wedding in my house. Our backyard was the ideal size, so we planned for a beautiful backyard wedding. Thiago took me to Santo Amaro weekend after weekend to buy lace and glue and everything else to make decorations. We counted pennies and invested time and money to create the perfect wedding. On Thursday, December 13, we got legally married in the courthouse on a bright, sunny, beautiful day. On Friday, December 14, Thiago picked me up at 4:00 in the morning and we went across town to buy tons of flowers. That day it started raining. And raining. And raining. Chairs and tents were delivered but the grass was too muddy to set anything up. The caterer came to set her things up and she looked at me and asked what I wanted to do because she couldn't do things as we had agreed on beforehand. The backyard was a wet, muddy mess and 100 people were not going to fit in my living room.

So Thiago and I went upstairs, sat on my bed, and looked at each other speechless. Hours of planning, dreaming, and preparing for our dream wedding were being flushed down the toilet. When we were planning our wedding, several people advised us to put up a tent. Besides being much more money than we could afford, neither of us liked the idea of a tent and didn't feel peaceful about it. We decided to leave it in God's hands. However, the day before the wedding... God asked us to trust Him. He made it storm. He ruined the grass in the backyard. As confused as we were, we prayed. We didn't pray for God to make it stop raining. We didn't pray for a miracle. We prayed that God would have His way - rain or sun. This prayer defined the beginning of my marriage and it has been my prayer since that very day. It was the best thing we could have ever asked. Could He have made the rain stop and dried up the mud in record time? Of course! He is a miraculous God! But His wedding was much more beautiful than I could have ever planned.

After praying together, we asked my parents to pray with us and they advised us to have the wedding in the living room. So we did. And it was amazing. It was the perfect wedding. It was beautiful and everything I never knew I wanted.  When we came back from the honeymoon, we expected our mortgage contract to be ready for us to sign. It wasn't so we lived in a missionary apartment that was empty for about 3 months, until another missionary needed the apartment. Then we spent 1 month living on a twin size bed in my mother-in-law's house. Finally, after 4 months into our marriage, we signed the mortgage contract. And then we put in flooring, painted the walls, and slept on an air mattress for a while. I will never forget the day our bed was finally delivered. A few weeks later, we got kitchen cabinets. And a few weeks after that we got our closet. Our house is still missing quite a few things. There is a half wall in the middle of the kitchen just waiting for a counter top. Our couch is 15 years old and sometimes the springs pinch your butt when you sit down. But we have an amazing apartment and I have no reason or right to complain about anything.
After I got mugged in March I was ready to move. I wanted out of São Paulo and Thiago suppoted my wish. We began researching and looking at different cities. We finally found Austin and my heart was set on it. But, one night, Thiago and I were sitting on the couch talking about our future and we both realized that we aren't supposed to move anytime soon. God has us here and He wants us here right now. Giving God my desire to move was one of the hardest decisions I've made. It still hurts to think about, but I know it's right.
When my friends on Facebook pop up in their new houses that come with cabinets, flooring, utilities, and all the windows are installed I ask myself why. I wanted so badly to get engaged and buy or rent a house and hire a wedding planner. I wanted to have it easy. But I'm so glad I didn't do things my way. I'm so glad God stepped in and made it storm. The hardships, however stupid they may seem, like sleeping in a twin size bed, have brought Thiago and I so close together. I love him so much more than I did when we got married. We learned to be strong together and lean on one another. I am grateful for simple things, like finding a sale on milk at the store. It makes my heart so happy! I have learned to find joy in the smallest things and laugh when things go wrong because I know it's going to work out. December 14, the day before my wedding, changed my life. What could have seemed like a horrible, devastating thing to some was one of the best and most beautiful things to have happened in my life.
I pray my life is full of rain so I have no other option but to ask God to have His way. I want His will to be done because His ways are so much more beautiful than my own. Surrender is hard and it hurts a lot, but full, true, and complete surrender to God is one of the most marvelous things on this earth. I'm done complaining about stupid things. I'm done living for myself. I want Jesus. I want what He wants because His ways are so much higher than my idiotic ways. Bring the storms; bring the rain.