Harder than I thought.

Maybe it's because when I got here, teams were already here. Maybe it's because I was already stressed out before even getting here. Maybe it's because for 3 weeks my body decided to have insomnia. Whatever the reason, moving back to Brasil has been hard. Very hard. It makes moving to LU almost seem easy. Almost.

I knew it was going to be hard, but I didn't expect to be an emotional wreck 24/7. I knew things were going to be different, but I also thought that since Thiago and I talked nearly every night while I was away, we wouldn't need to adjust to being back together. I thought that ZOE would be different, but that it would be easy to find where I fit in again. But nothing is the same. And it's been really difficult trying to re-adjust and make my new life here.

One of the hardest things, though, (if not the hardest thing) is that a couple of weeks before I even left LU, God has just been quiet. And I need Him so much right now, especially because everyone else that I can count on is either on another continent or busy with realidade.

One of my housemates was telling me the other day how God has just been pouring down his love on her and how she's just been amazed by the different ways God has told her that He loves her. And while I was genuinely happy for her and the ways God has spoken to her recently, I just got frustrated because I wanted God to do the same for me. I wanted to be in her place.

Today I was getting mad at God for being so quiet for so long... I needed some encouragement and some TLC and for God to speak to me in a powerful way. On the bus I had my iPod on shuffle and began to read the book of Daniel. In the first chapter Daniel moves... he's kind of forced to, but anyway... and things are hard. And things are different. And it's scary. But Daniel stays true to God and God blesses him for it. As I was reading this chapter and trying to understand it, my iPod started playing a song that I don't know who it's by or anything, but it said "you are loved! you are loved!" and it was all about how much God loves us. And I know the road ahead is not going to be easy or short or smooth and even though God seems quiet and far away, I know He's right here with me and He loves me a lot... bastante.