20 things I learned in the past 20 months.

In the past year and 8 months of marriage I have learned so many life lessons. I thought I would share a few of them with you.

1. If you want a clean house never ever adopt a dog or you will sweep your house 3x a day and you'll still find fur everywhere.

2. Sometimes you have to laugh at jokes that aren't even that funny just to make your spouse happy.

3. Every now and then you should let your husband choose what movie to watch... even if it is a bloody, boring, 3-hour long war movie. You never know, tomorrow night he might just let you pick out a rom-com.

4. A date night in can be so much more fun than a date night out.

5. Making time for each other doesn't come naturally and oftentimes requires planning and dedication.

6. Discuss, don't argue or fight.

7. The smallest gestures of kindness can mean more than huge declarations of love. Washing the dishes, bringing home a Snickers bar, ironing, and other thoughtful things go a long way

8. Have a childish heart (and sense of humor). When you get married it sometimes feels like people automatically expect you to act like mature, serious adults, but having fun and keeping a light and playful attitude can make all the difference in a marriage. Never ever take life too seriously.

9. Go on adventures, learn new things, or eat somewhere different together. Getting into ruts and routines can be easy and it is important to keep your relationship alive.

10. Even if you're jealous, be proud and happy of your spouse above all. This goes for winning a game of Monopoly, getting to 2048 first, or for having a natural talent at guitar-playing or photography.

11. Learn your own strengths and weaknesses and work off those. I'm a horrible phone-talker. Thiago is great at it. Thiago is not so good at washing dishes quickly. I'm like the flash. Work together.

12. Be nice.

13. Realize that this is YOUR marriage. No one else can tell you what to do. Advice is great, but the decision is ultimately up to you... and you'll know what to do when the time is right. The only people who run your household and your family are you and your huband.

14. Prioritize your marriage above work, friends, and even family. This is your new family and you need to take care of it more than anything.

15. Be intentional. Make a decision to love your husband because some days you won't feel like it and you won't feel in love. Love takes work and it's hard, but it is so worth it.

16. Resolve conflicts and fights as soon as possible.

17. Listen. Pay attention. Notice body language. Understand what they're trying to say and pay attention to the things unsaid.

18. Nagging is inevitable. But it can be done in a friendly way.

19. Don't worry too much about money. There is enough money in the world to go around. Go out, have fun. Save some money, be responsible, but don't get your knickers in a wad. When you need a date, go on a date.

20. There is no such thing as a soul-mate or The One. Find someone who will encourage you, love you, has the same priorities and wants the same things. Find someone who makes you laugh and gives really good hugs and kisses. Find someone who brings out the best in you and makes you proud to be yourself. But realize, too, that nobody is perfect and you shouldn't expect perfection. Be forgiving and learn together from your mistakes. You become perfect for each other, but your aren't born for each other.

Gratitude

Today is my last day in São Paulo. That is absolutely crazy! There are a billion things to do still and only a few hours to do them... and here I am writing a post for a blog that I haven't updated since January. Well my priorities are definitely in check.

However there is something on my mind that I must say and get off my chest. That is: Thank you! Thank you to all my wonderful students who have made this semester one that I will never ever forget. I have learned far more from my students that I would ever be able to teach. I have been humbled by students who invite to their homes for pizza, coffee, or to watch a soccer game. Students who let me into their lives by sharing their stories, teaching me new expressions in Portuguese, and telling me about their families, jobs, and hobbies. Through my classes I have learned all about different professions, religions, and ways of life. I have gotten to know some of the sweetest, most caring, funniest, and most intelligent people. I've met people from all walks of life who have let me in and have given me the priviledge of getting to know them. I am so blessed to be able to call my students my teachers as well. I hope that I have been able to teach you something in return or help you with your English-learning experience. I wish you guys all the best and hope we keep in touch!

It has been a trying and stressful semester, but also a semester full of fun classes, exciting experiences, and lots of learning. I'm truly sad to see this chapter in my life come to an end, but I'm so looking forward to the adventures and new experiences that are coming.

On to Uberlândia!!

Why I decided to wait and why I'm glad I did.

All the good Christian people know that we are supposed to wait until marriage to have sex. Why? Because God said so. Because your parents told you that's what best. Because your Christian teachers, pastors, leaders, and mentors told you it's for the best. Things can go wrong - pregnancies, STD's, getting caught, he could leave you, you could leave him, and so many more things. But as young adults, we get so caught up in the moment that we don't care about the risks. It's adrenaline. It's fun. We can deal with the consequences later.
While we were dating, Thiago I knew about all of the risks and dangers of having premarital sex... but I don't think that's what stopped us from doing the deed. Condoms and birth control can go a long way and those risks weren't holding us back. My husband and I were both virgins when we got married, but we played with fire before marriage. We did much more than I am proud of and I wish I could take it back.
I have recently been questioning myself if sex would have been any different if we had done it before we got married and I'm convinced the answer is yes. It was something we wanted so desperately and longed for so deeply. We dated for three very long years, spent a lot of time alone, made out probably too much, but decided to wait. It was hard. We cried, prayed, set rules, broke rules, literally pushed each other away, got mad at each other, and really struggled to remain pure. The struggle was well worth it.
We gave sex an incredibly high value. Sex is so special. It is sacred. It is one of God's greatest gifts. It is fantastic.We knew it was too special, too pure, too beautiful to just do it simply because we were horny teenagers lusting after each other. Movies, songs, TV shows, books, and magazines all talk about sex a lot. If so much on the media is about sex, then sex must be pretty wonderful. If it's so wonderful, it should be treated as wonderful and not something you play with and care less about. It should be treated as something of high value. You care for it and protect. I love my camera. It is my prized possession. I'm not going to give to anyone. I'm very particular about the people I let take pictures with it. I want to be sure the person will care for it as I do. Sex, however, it much more valuable than my camera. It should be treated with much more care.
Another reason I waited was because I loved my future husband far more than I loved Thiago at the time. I didn't know for sure if Thiago and I would get married, even when we were engaged. I wanted my husband to be my only one because I wanted him to know how much I loved him, even before we even met. I prayed for my husband (and still do! hehe) everyday. I was in love with my husband before I knew who he was and was determined to be faithful and true to him.
Now... am I glad we waited? Did Thiago not turn into my husband? Would it have made a difference? I'm beyond grateful we waited. Our wedding night was awkward... but absolutely amazing. What we had been wanting and waiting for had finally come. Thiago was officially my husband and I could give him all my love without reserves. It was so special and so right. There was no fear, no guilt, no shame. And it continues to be amazing, much more amazing than it was then. Every single time Thiago and I make love is special. It doesn't matter if it's a spontaneous quickee or a candle-lit romantic night. Every time we do it means something. It's a bond that only we share. It's something we reserved for each other. It's the greatest declaration of love we gave to each other.
Waiting was hard. Very very very hard. But it was so worth it.

Storms

I often catch myself wondering why my life is the way that it is. Why Thiago and I faced such hardships since we got engaged. Things have definitely slowed down since we moved into our apartment in May, but when I reflect on our lives since the engagement one question lingers: Why?
The wedding planning was hard. I wanted so badly to be in the States. To hire a florist, a photographer, and have my wedding in a hotel. I don't like Brazilian buffets - it's not my taste. And besides that there weren't a lot of options. So we had the wedding in my house. Our backyard was the ideal size, so we planned for a beautiful backyard wedding. Thiago took me to Santo Amaro weekend after weekend to buy lace and glue and everything else to make decorations. We counted pennies and invested time and money to create the perfect wedding. On Thursday, December 13, we got legally married in the courthouse on a bright, sunny, beautiful day. On Friday, December 14, Thiago picked me up at 4:00 in the morning and we went across town to buy tons of flowers. That day it started raining. And raining. And raining. Chairs and tents were delivered but the grass was too muddy to set anything up. The caterer came to set her things up and she looked at me and asked what I wanted to do because she couldn't do things as we had agreed on beforehand. The backyard was a wet, muddy mess and 100 people were not going to fit in my living room.

So Thiago and I went upstairs, sat on my bed, and looked at each other speechless. Hours of planning, dreaming, and preparing for our dream wedding were being flushed down the toilet. When we were planning our wedding, several people advised us to put up a tent. Besides being much more money than we could afford, neither of us liked the idea of a tent and didn't feel peaceful about it. We decided to leave it in God's hands. However, the day before the wedding... God asked us to trust Him. He made it storm. He ruined the grass in the backyard. As confused as we were, we prayed. We didn't pray for God to make it stop raining. We didn't pray for a miracle. We prayed that God would have His way - rain or sun. This prayer defined the beginning of my marriage and it has been my prayer since that very day. It was the best thing we could have ever asked. Could He have made the rain stop and dried up the mud in record time? Of course! He is a miraculous God! But His wedding was much more beautiful than I could have ever planned.

After praying together, we asked my parents to pray with us and they advised us to have the wedding in the living room. So we did. And it was amazing. It was the perfect wedding. It was beautiful and everything I never knew I wanted.  When we came back from the honeymoon, we expected our mortgage contract to be ready for us to sign. It wasn't so we lived in a missionary apartment that was empty for about 3 months, until another missionary needed the apartment. Then we spent 1 month living on a twin size bed in my mother-in-law's house. Finally, after 4 months into our marriage, we signed the mortgage contract. And then we put in flooring, painted the walls, and slept on an air mattress for a while. I will never forget the day our bed was finally delivered. A few weeks later, we got kitchen cabinets. And a few weeks after that we got our closet. Our house is still missing quite a few things. There is a half wall in the middle of the kitchen just waiting for a counter top. Our couch is 15 years old and sometimes the springs pinch your butt when you sit down. But we have an amazing apartment and I have no reason or right to complain about anything.
After I got mugged in March I was ready to move. I wanted out of São Paulo and Thiago suppoted my wish. We began researching and looking at different cities. We finally found Austin and my heart was set on it. But, one night, Thiago and I were sitting on the couch talking about our future and we both realized that we aren't supposed to move anytime soon. God has us here and He wants us here right now. Giving God my desire to move was one of the hardest decisions I've made. It still hurts to think about, but I know it's right.
When my friends on Facebook pop up in their new houses that come with cabinets, flooring, utilities, and all the windows are installed I ask myself why. I wanted so badly to get engaged and buy or rent a house and hire a wedding planner. I wanted to have it easy. But I'm so glad I didn't do things my way. I'm so glad God stepped in and made it storm. The hardships, however stupid they may seem, like sleeping in a twin size bed, have brought Thiago and I so close together. I love him so much more than I did when we got married. We learned to be strong together and lean on one another. I am grateful for simple things, like finding a sale on milk at the store. It makes my heart so happy! I have learned to find joy in the smallest things and laugh when things go wrong because I know it's going to work out. December 14, the day before my wedding, changed my life. What could have seemed like a horrible, devastating thing to some was one of the best and most beautiful things to have happened in my life.
I pray my life is full of rain so I have no other option but to ask God to have His way. I want His will to be done because His ways are so much more beautiful than my own. Surrender is hard and it hurts a lot, but full, true, and complete surrender to God is one of the most marvelous things on this earth. I'm done complaining about stupid things. I'm done living for myself. I want Jesus. I want what He wants because His ways are so much higher than my idiotic ways. Bring the storms; bring the rain.

Vem pra rua, vem!

Monday night was crazy. I went home as fast as I could, threw on old clothes and Thiago's Superman T-shirt. Then we made our way to the train. In the car I was praying. I literally told God I was about to pee in my pants because I was afraid of what was going to happen, but knew I needed to do this. From the train, we went to the subway. We could barely make it on the subway. The station was packed out with people headed towards Faria Lima. And when we finally got to Faria Lima, my heart was beating faster than ever before. Fear, excitement, confusion, and courage filled the air. Anger, hatred, love, and spirit were everywhere. Police were inside and outside the station guiding people and helping things run smoothly. After meeting up with a friend, Thiago and I stepped outside to one of the most beautiful events I have ever seen. A great multitude of people standing up for what rightfully belongs to them: Justice, freedom, and democracy.  Thousands of people in the same spirit. Anger and frustration, but standing up. Telling the government that enough is enough and it's time to stop. It's time to start leading the country as if they loved the people instead of stealing from the people. It was a sea of signs, Brasil flags, chants, and singing. One of the leaders of the protest was leading us in a chant and then we began walking. Walking. Walking. A huge business and commerce avenue was shut down. Shops closed up early and people rushed to get home before we showed up. The whole street was packed with people on both sides. We were all chanting together: telling people to *censor*, calling people from buildings to join us, saying to put your hands up because R$3,20 is a robbery, and many, many other things. My favorite was (translated) "What a coincidence: no police, no violence". It was extremely peaceful. Just walking and shouting. There was even a part when everyone was jumping because of a chant that said, "If you don't jump, then you want the bus fares raised!" Buses, cars, and motorcycles were stuck because of all the people for 2 hours, at least. A big tunnel was shut down. One of newest bridges was overtaken. When we passed the public buses, instead of breaking them or spray-painting them, flowers were given to the bus drivers. Signs of protest were put on the windows. But there absolutely no violence.
People were dancing in the streets. In the buildings, people would wave white sheets and towels to show their support. I got goosebumps because some parts were just amazing. People were everyone. If you looked forward or backward, the parade of people had no end. The news say it was 65 thousand, but I guarantee it was hundreds of thousands.
Today the bus fare was put back down to R$3,00 but this is just the beginning, I hope. Brasil needs to stand up for the education system, for medical care, for good public transportation, for good laws, for safety, and so many other things. Yet the only thing our leaders seem to think about is the billion reais they are putting into a new stadium for the World Cup when they aren't even using the stadiums we already have. They are more concerned with their vacation money than with the hundred of teachers that could be employed with half of that money. I hope to play a bigger part in this huge revolution that is beginning to occur. This is a great first step and I pray that many more are to come.

Brazil

It's not about 20 cents. It's about justice. Freedom. Oppression. Anger. Desperation. Exhaustion from the daily fight for our rights. It's about getting what is ours.

Recently the bus fare in Brasil increased 20 centavos. It's R$3,20 to ride a bus. If you don't go in the bus during rush hour and you can sit down, listen to some music, get to your destination quickly, and let your mind wander a bit, I don't think it's that expensive. However, when you need to get to work and the buses don't even stop at your stop because they're so full and you need to take 2 or 3 buses to even get to work, and you're crammed in the bus like sardine between sweaty, foul-smelling, rude people... R$3,20 is not even close to worth it. The fare goes up but traffic gets work. Buses get fuller. No new buses are made so they break down.

But what São Paulo has been protesting against is more than the injustice of 20 centavos. It's the robbery of the millionaire politicians. It's being scared to go out past 8:00 at night because the city is so unsafe. It's the millions of taxes put on every single thing sold. It's about working all day and not affording food. It's about living with this reality for years and having enough of it. It's about having a world cup next year. São Paulo is over-crowded enough. Prices will go up in everything and nobody can even afford São Paulo as it is. Brazil is no way ready for the world cup.

Brazil is standing up for themselves and it's about time. I've never seen São Paulo come together like this. It's what everyone is talking about. People are encouraging others to go to the protests, to show the government how we're not taking their crap anymore and how we are ready for change. We are ready for justice and freedom.

However, the media doesn't help. Brasilian news doesn't show what's really going on. They call the protesters vandals. They say we are violent. Of course in every protest there will be some people who are violent. there are those who are full of anger and use violence as a means to demonstrate it. However, most of us want peace. We want somebody to listen to us and make a change. But the police don't help. According to social media, they are the ones who started many of the fights and started throwing tear gas for no reason. They arrested people for having vinegar in their backpack.

On Monday there's going to be a big protest and I hope it does some good. I hope this is history in the making and Brazil gets one step closer to being a functioning democracy where people can live freely without being hated on by their leaders.

My I'm-exhausted-and-need-to-vent post.

São Paulo is a harsh reality.

5:45 - wake up, start getting ready
6:00 - wake up Thiago, finish getting ready
6:15 - breakfast
6:25 - wash dishes, brush teeth, etc.
6:35 - go to work
7:15ish - arrive at work

4:30 - leave work
4:45 - get on bus

4:55 - get on another bus
5:20 - private English class

7:00 - Finish class, meet up with Thiago to go home

8:00 - arrive home, check email, etc. 

8:30 - shower

9:00 - dinner

9:30 - "go" to class or procrastinate and leave it for the weekend

11:00 - good night

This is my Thursday. It is my busiest day, but the other days have minimal differences. Thiago and I are doing everything we can to afford the flooring and cabinets in our apartment. Paulistanos are here to work. São Paulo is not centered around family, friends, fun, or anything else. You are here to work. Traffic is insane every morning. Working long hours is expected of you. My mother-in-law jokes about how she needs a bed at the office. But she really does. One day this week she left at 5:00am and got back around 9:30pm.I don't know how she does it. We work so hard to make it just so Saturday we can run all of our errands, take care of the house, and do our chores so that on Sunday we can rest and start everything over again on Monday
.

One of my friends gave me a ride home after work today (that is SUCH a blessing to me! Thank you SO much!) and we discussed the robberies, muggings, violence, etc. that is a daily occurrence here. This morning, before I got to work, someone got mugged on the street that I work on. It's a nice neighborhood. Seems safe. No. In São Paulo, there is no safe zone. You never feel safe. I don't use my phone when I'm anywhere outside or on a bus. Even at malls I'm careful. My mind is always switched "on". You have to be alert even in your car. Walking home, on the bus, at malls, wherever you are... you must stay alert. This past week alone I've heard many stories of people getting robbed in their own homes as they were pulling into their garage. Putting make up on while in your car before work is risky. You are never safe.

Pollution? You can literally see layers of it in the sky. Cost of living? Outrageous... on our honeymoon, people complained that the city, Gramado, was expensive. No... To us, everything seemed cheap.
Thiago tells me that if you can live in São Paulo, you can live anywhere. That doesn't mean that different places don't have their difficulties. It means that Paulistanos learn not to complain. They learn to take a deep breath, suck it up, and move on with life.

A few weeks ago I got mugged and I brushed it off. He took everything on me. I was going to meet Thiago at the pizzaria and then boom. Night ruined. We called banks, went to the police, got a new phone, etc. And moved on like nothing happened. When I told my friends, it was not a big deal. A common thing. Horrible, but common. That's when I realized how much Paulistanos, including myself, truly take a deep breath, suck it up and move on.

I don't like being used to this reality. I don't like having no time with my husband - and when we do get time together, we're too exhausted to have a decent conversation. I don't like living in a city when taking 30 minutes to get to work is amazing and unheard of. I don't like that getting mugged is a daily fear you live in. I don't like ruining my lungs by simply breathing. I don't like this life. But I will make the best of it, breathe in, suck it up, and move on.